Jokes

Q: How do you know when your staying in a Redneck hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead.”

Q: What is a Redneck’s defense in court?
A: “Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence.”

Q: What do rednecks call “Hee Haw”?
A: A documentary.

Q: What’s the difference between a good ol’ boy and a redneck?
A: The good ol’ boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about what she wanted done to her house. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!” In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”

A Democratic strategist assumes room temperature and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He’s led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped.

St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops. All this fascinates the strategist but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks’ second hands are moving faster than others.

Carburettor 

“The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburettor.”

“How would you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t even know what the carburettor is.”

“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburettor.”

“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the swimming pool.”

The Two Zebras

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, “Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?”