A lawyer was proud that his son decided to follow in his footsteps and wished him good luck as he left for law school. After graduating with high honors the son went to join his father’s firm.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father’s office, and said, “Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you’ve been working on for ten years!”
His father responded: “You idiot, we could have lived on the funding of that case for another ten years!”
John and Clarence were backwoods hillbillies that lived across the river and always found reasons to fight over something. Whenever he got the chance John would throw rocks across the river at Clarence hoping to knock him out.
This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
One night a blonde was at a club enjoying a drink after a long, hard day at work. Behind her sat a ventriloquist who was yelling out blonde jokes - which were making every one roar with laughter.
After listening to him banter on for 5 minutes she stands up, goes over to him and yells “I resent that!” The ventriloquist started apologizing to her as much as she could.
The blonde looked at him and said, ” You stay outta this, I”m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!