Jokes

A man was mowing his yard one day when his blonde female neighbor came outside of her house and went to her mailbox. She proceeded to open it, look inside, and they slammed it shut before she angrily walked back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Three blondes are in an elevator when it suddenly stops and the lights go out. They all try using their cell phones to try to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others “I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together.”

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly “Together, together, together.”

One night a blonde was at a club enjoying a drink after a long, hard day at work. Behind her sat a ventriloquist who was yelling out blonde jokes - which were making every one roar with laughter.

After listening to him banter on for 5 minutes she stands up, goes over to him and yells “I resent that!” The ventriloquist started apologizing to her as much as she could. 

The blonde looked at him and said, ” You stay outta this, I”m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!

When Sally’s boss arrived to work he saw that she was crying hyseterically. Concerned, he walks over to her and asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away.”

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, “Why don’t you go home for the day…we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax.”

Sally very calmly states, “No I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. “If you need anything just let me know” says the boss.

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge, big enough to keep it in!”

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. “Just last week, she went out and spent $27,000 on a new car, ” he laments, “and she doesn’t even know how to drive!”

A blonde motorist, who was speeding, was stopped by a blonde motorist. The blonde cop asks for the blonde motorists’ driving license. The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home officer.”

The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?” The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.” The cop says, “Let me see it, then.” So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, “Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about what she wanted done to her house. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!” In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says “meow” in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.”

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6′2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player.

The fella to your right is 6′5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”