President Bush was sitting in his oval office listening as Donald Rumsfeld gave his daily briefing. At the end of it he told the President, “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”
The whole staff sat there and watched as the President became quite emotional and were waiting patiently for his command and what action he wanted to take.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”
Hilary Clinton is busy trying to do the duties of being a Senator. She goes for her usual check-up when her doctor informs her that she is pregnant. She is furious at this news and the minute she leaves the doctor’s office she calls up Bill and begins to yell at him.
“How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can’t believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???”
Before he got his haircut Bill Clinton asked the stylist Christophe. “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?”
Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200.
Clinton gasped, “You took too long, it doesn’t look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!”
Christophe replied, “That makes us even.”
Dan Quayle, President Bush, Bill Clinton, and Ross Perot were traveling together to see the Wizard of Oz. When they finally arrived to the Emerald City they were allowed to see him.
President Bush was first to see the wizard and said, “Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart”. So the Wizard said, “So be it”.
Next was Dan Quayle who told the wizard, “People think I’m unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain. The Wizard said, “So be it”.
A little boy was hoping that he could get $100 so that he could buy himself a bike. For weeks he prayed – but he did not receive any money.
That’s when he decided to write God and ask for the money.
When the postmasters saw the letter addressed to God, USA they chose to send it off to the President.
The President was amused and thought it was so cute that he told his secretary to send the little boy $5. Knowing that this amount would seem like a lot to such a young boy.
A woman bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and after driving it off to take it home she turned on the radio and noticed that it only had one channel. Angry and confused she drove back to the dealership to get the problem fixed.
When she was got back to the dealership she told the salesman the problem. He proceeded to tell her that she had a smart radio and that all she had to do to activate it was to tell it what type of music she wanted to hear and it would find the closest channel.
Hilary and Bill Clinton decided to take a leisurely drive for vacation and on their way they passed through Hilary’s hometown. They were low on fuel and decided to stop at a gas station where they ran into Hilary’s old fling. The man at the gas station comes out and looks into the window.
“Hey, Hillary! Do you remember me we used to date in high school?” he asks.
After talking and catching up on the times Bill pays and they leave. While driving away Bill - who is feeling good right now - looks over at Hilary.
One day George Bush went to give a speech at an Elementary School. He asks the teacher what the children are studying and she replies that they are learning about Greek Tragedies. So the President decides to talk about Tragedies. He asks a student, “What would you consider to be a tragedy?”
The kid thinks for awhile and then says, ” If a boy is running after a ball into a street and gets run over by a car and dies.” Bush responds, “No, I don’t think that’s a tragedy… that’s an accident.” Then Bush asks another kid to give an example of a tragedy.
A Democratic strategist assumes room temperature and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He’s led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped.
St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops. All this fascinates the strategist but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks’ second hands are moving faster than others.
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center’s director that he was an acceptable candidate. “That’s great!” the executive said. “But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive.”
“Yes, sir, it can,” the director replied. “An ounce of accountant’s brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist’s brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president’s is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat’s brain is seventy-five thousand dollars.”