A redneck family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building where they were amazed by what they saw there. One thing in particular that caught their attention was teh elevator at the end of the lobby. The boy asked, “What’s this, Paw?”
The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is!”
A redneck and his wife live in the backwoods and had to call the doctor to come make a house call in the middle of the night because his wife was going into labor. The couple had no electricity so the doctor had the husband hold a lantern up so that he could see what he was doing.
Soon a baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there,” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down… I think there’s Yet another one to come.”
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
An Irishman entered a restaurant in a wheelchair one day and politely asked the waitress if she could bring him a cup of coffee. When she came back with one he looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Irishman asked her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
A few minutes later an Englishman with a hunched back walks through the door, sits down painfully, and politely asks the waitress for a cup of hot tea. When she had brought it back he looks across the restaurant and asks her, “Is that Jesus over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Englishman asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “my treat.”
A farmer decides he wants to divorce his wife so he goes to an attorney’s office and tells him, “I want to get one of those dayvorces.”
The attorney then asked, “Well do you have any grounds?”
The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?”
The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”
The farmer said, “Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”
John and Clarence were backwoods hillbillies that lived across the river and always found reasons to fight over something. Whenever he got the chance John would throw rocks across the river at Clarence hoping to knock him out.
This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
A Redneck decides that today is his lucky day and buys a lottery ticket. He was excited that night to see that he had acctually one and went straight to collect the money.
He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.” The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
Q: How do you know when your staying in a Redneck hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead.”
Q: What is a Redneck’s defense in court?
A: “Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence.”
Q: What do rednecks call “Hee Haw”?
A: A documentary.
Q: What’s the difference between a good ol’ boy and a redneck?
A: The good ol’ boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
You might be a redneck if your gas pedal in the car is shaped like a bare foot!
‘The Puzzle’
Two rednecks brought home a puzzle one day, and sat down to solve it. A week later, they finished the puzzle. “Well, that didn’t take so durn long,” said one of them.
“Naw, it didn’t. ‘Specially considering it says 3-5 years on the box.”
‘The Chickens’
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.” “Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”